I woke up this morning ready to tackle the world. Went and played basketball with the boys for an 1.25 hrs(skipped run because I was done), went home and changed, and then proceded to spend over an hour at home depot. I did get everything I needed but not without hassle...
First a little back story. The wife and I have wanted to replace the door leading to the garage since, ohh, about the day after we moved into the house. It was old, wood, shitty, and sealed as well as a panty liner on a heavy flow day(I don't really know what that would be like, but I can imagine it wouldn't be very good) Well in the shiticane of projects that I am attempting to do before baby is born I decided that now would be a fine time to do it.
So, little giddy me found the door at home depot today(part of the reason we have been putting it off is that we thought we would have to special order it). I wanted to put just a plain white door in, but of the three plain white doors they had, they all looked like Mike Tyson had practiced boxing on them. I finally found one behind a sign and loaded that fucker up(this is probably at the 45 minute mark). I wait in line for a good 10 minutes while fransisco and pedro argue with the checkout lady about the 50 different sizes of plywood that they bought. Finally I get to the checkout and look down at the hinges, and Fuck Me, one of the hinges are crooked as a politician. So back I go through the whole fucking store to the door section. I find a six panel door in pretty good shape that is the size I need, and finally get outta the store.
Well, I have that fucker home for less than fifteen minutes, shimmed up on the sides, and I have to go grab something in the garage, well wouldn't you fucking know, that damn door decided to do a faceplant right on my goddamn drill. So now right smack fucking dab in the middle of my Vatican ready door is a couple of miserable fucking dings. Can't take the door back, because it is already out of the packaging, and besides what would I use as an excuse? Well ma'am, I turned my back and Paul Bunyan came by and Teabagged my door. Probably not going to work. So, fuck me running I have a nice new door, that opens, closes, locks and seals, that looks like the surface of the moon. Fiddlesticks.
Not to mention that when I went back to the depot to get the doorknob and lockset, Hurricane Fuck Ryan unleashed holy hell and drenched me to the bone.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHH.
Wrestling was good last night, the next event is March 22nd, which happens to be 5 days before my birthday. Curiously, no one has emailed me asking for a birthday list. And no, I don't need a new fucking door, smart asses.
4 comments:
After the very liberal use of "fuck" throughout the post, "fiddlesticks" struck me as particularly funny.
I laughed at that too. Who in the world posts fiddlesticks after such profanity?
In Ryan's defense, I felt really bad for him. The door looks great, just too bad it has a shitload of dings in a very obvious place. I have no doubts his model building skills will fix it up to look like new again.
bondo my friend, bondo. Look at the miracle you achieved with the red truck! Don't forget it was you who made the best model to ever come out of Motorola too.
Fiddlesticks huh. That cracked me up!
Don't worry about the door..your magical model making powers will change that door into a work of art.
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