1.06.2008

7 Minute Muscle

***If you DON'T want to be strong, healthy, fit, popular with the ladies/dudes, rich, and successful, stop reading now.***

7 Minute Muscle(7mm as it shall be called) is an exercise regimen developed at the soon to be famous "Froyd Institute for Fitness and Healthy Living and Dog Watching Facility". This program was developed using science, chemistry, math, and physics to present to the exerciser what we affectionately call the 'Better than Nuthin'(BTN) Principle. At its core this principle firmly states that no matter what the length of exercise it is still Better Than Nuthin. The demands that this day and age place on the average person leave little room for any exercise whatsoever, as it is hard enough to get daily shit done, much less exercise and 'do it, like they do it, on the ex-er-cise channel'.(Bloodhound Gang, modified and used without permission, may stay in your head the rest of the day). As a tribute to the average, ordinary, non-champions among us let me lay out the fundamentals of the 7MM program.

First- You will need approximately 10 minutes for the first session, 7 minutes thereafter.*

*If you claim that you don't have aforementioned 10 or 7 minutes go look in a mirror and tell yourself that you are full of shit. We have found it is much more effective this way.

Second-You will need to find three exercises for each 7 minute session. Our main physical specimen at the FIFFAHLADWF has found that any more than 3 exercises is too many, and 2 exercises will fatigue you to quickly.

Third-You will need to find some way to count down the 7 minutes, preferably without constantly watching a clock or timer. A simple portable kitchen timer works the best, especially one that you can turn the opposite direction of your line of site so you are not continually watching it.

Fourth-You will need to set up a schedule that works for you. Every day(as long as you are working different muscle groups) or every other day will work fine. Try not to go more that 3 days without 7mm. It will be very hard to get in a rhythm.

That is pretty much all you need to know. The First session will take ten minutes because you will have to set up what you need to do the exercises. You will want to pick exercises that are easy to transition to, to make the most of your time. Lets give an example for Upper Body:

Bench Press or Pushups-(girl pushups are fine, but if you are a dude, make sure no one is watching). Keep in mind the purpose of this program is to pack as much in as you can. If you are doing bench press, pick one weight and stick with it for the day, don't be constantly changing weights, seven minutes isn't alot of time. You will want to pick a weight that will tire you our around 30 reps. If you can do more, you need more weight. Less, and you won't make 7 minutes. As soon as you start to fatigue.....

Bicep Curls- have the weights next to you so you don't have to go searching for them, immediately start to curl. Again, the 25-30 rep range is ideal. Once you start to tire....

Dips-Same story as before, although 30 might be a bit rich, just do it until you are tired, since you are using your own body weight. Now repeat....

Do this until time is up, DON'T watch the clock, wait until the buzzer, beep, whatever. If done correctly you will be tired and actually feel like you accomplished something. Keep in mind you probably worked just as hard in 7 minutes as many people do in an hour at the gym. Now you need to pick out 3 exercises for lower body, abs, and back and shoulders. If you need suggestions please contact the FIFFAHLADWF through this site.

Now go watch the new season of American Gladiators to pump you up.

8 comments:

Erin said...

I would rather think that holding up my hard cover book while watching tv is enough exercise for today.

I probably should start moving again and lifting a few dumbells before LBF is born so I don't drop the kid after 2 minutes of holding time. Maybe that will be a week 18 or 20 goal to start. That gives me 20-22 full weeks to strengthen these pipes.

Jess said...

This was a hilarious, yet informative post, Ryan. I will apply the 7MM technique and see what I can get out of it.

Personally, I really value the DWF part of your institute.

Froyd said...

finally a workout schedule for my busy day!

Vanilla said...

I was going to try this but it seems a bit excessive. Are you planning on coming out with a 4MM program for some of us lazy people?

sir baldy said...

I was just talking to my good buddy Jack LaLanne and he said in order for it to benefit the body you need to exercise a minimum of 10 minutes per workout. He basically said your theory of BTN is a load of BS.

Ryan said...

Jack LaLanne is a jackass.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the breakdown of the 7mm. I wanted a sneak peak before I bought. Besides- you're a riot! Thanks for the laughs.
Gina

Anonymous said...

i tried this workout but the lactic acid built up in me so much that on the first said i could do 30 reps and on the next set i could barely get 10