1. Wrapping paper or gift bag? Wrapping paper. The wife uses gift bags and it drives me nuts. I had never encountered a gift bag until I met her.

2. Real tree or artificial? Eh, either way. Artificial is a lot less hassle. Although the fossil fuels used to create a artificial tree are far more harmful to the environment than...blah, blah, blah. As soon as it stops snowing in Minnesota, I will start to be concerned about global warming.

3. When do you put up your tree? Sometime between Thanksgiving and Chrimmus.

4. When do you take down your tree? Sometime after Chrimmus.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes. Athough, I like homemade eggnog with raw egg much better than store bought eggnog.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? There were alot of G.I.JOes, but I think the Nintendo and the Super Nintendo rank right up there as the times I may have went batshit crazy on Chrimmus morning.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes

8. Hardest person to buy for? Wife. It is very hard to buy for a person with no solid interests outside of work. How does someone not have hobbies?

9. Easiest person to buy for? Anybody other than my wife.

10. Worst Christmas gift you've ever received? I will go on record as saying that I have never recieved a bad Christmas gift. Granted, there have been some odd ones. I will say this though, there was a certain year of my life at Christmas(might have been 12 or 13 at G&Gs) where I suddenly realized that I wasn't a child anymore and I wasn't going to be getting the multitude of toys that I usually got and that was a bit depressing.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Eh, whichever. Chrimmus cards are not the husbands responsibilty, unless it involves printer ink.

12. Favorite Christmas movie? Tie. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation vs. A Christmas Story. Nothing created in recent history compares.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Anytime after Thanksgiving. I don't believe I have ever bought a Chrimmus present before Thanksgiving.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No. I have never recieved an empty aluminum can, glass bottle, or newspaper, so how could I?

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I am not much of one for eating on Chrimmus day. Chrimmus day is for playing with Chrimmus presents, not sitting down for a long drawn out meal. Chrimmus Eve Dinner should be presented with a meal that can be eaten the fastest, so that everyone can get to the important business of opening presents. Once I am an established adult with offspring I shall mandate that health shakes be served AS supper, so that the opening of the loot can begin asap.

16. White or colored lights? I like old school frosted colored lights. My wife insists upon white lights. I bend to her wants and needs.

17. Favorite Christmas song? They are all good in moderation. By moderation I mean during Chrimmus parties, during the unwrapping of loot on Chrimmus Eve, and playing quietly in the background on Chrimmus day.

18. Traveling for Christmas or stay home? This year stay home. During my childhood we never went other places. This could be why I don't want to go anywhere on Chrimmus. Besides, 15 below or 72 and Sunny? Honestly.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Santa doesn't exist.

20. Angel or Star on top of tree? Not sure, but it probably has something to do with figure-skating.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The bills that come in the middle of January.

23. What I love most about Christmas? The Chrimmus Poem of course!!
Ebonics Crimmus Poem

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus;
And all ower da hood;
ereybody wuz' sleepin';
Dey wuz sleepin' good.

We hunged up our stockings;
An hoped like de' heck;
That old Santa Clause;
Be bringin' our check.

All o'de fambily;
Wuz layin in de beds;
While Ripple and Thunderbird;
Danced through dey heads.

I passed out inna' flo;
Right nex to my Maw;
When I heard sech a fuss;

I looked out thru de bars;
What covered my doe;
'spectin' de sheriff;
Wif a warrent fo sho.

And what did I see;
I said, "Lawd look at dat!!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon;
Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years;
Santa Clause, he be white;
But looks liken us bros;
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.

Faster dan a Po'lees car;
My home boy he came;
He whupped on dem warf rats;
An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on 'Lonzo ;
And on Willie Lee;
On Saphire, on Chenequa;
Dey wuz a site to see!!

As he landed dat watta' mellon;
Out der in da skreet;
I knowed it was fo' sho';
Da damndest site I ebber did see.

He didn't go down no chimbley;
He picked da' lock on my doe;
An' I sez to myself;
"Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!"

He had dis big bag;
Full of prezents I 'xpect;
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold;
To wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents;
Jus started stealing my shit;
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar's kit!!

Wit my stuff in de bag;
Out da window he flewed;
I woudda' tried to catched him;
But he stoled my 'nife too!!

He jumped on dat wadda' mellon;
An' whipped out a switch;
He wuz gone in a seccon';
Dat son of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin':
Anutha Sanna we git;
Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause;
Jus' ain't werf a shit!!!


Jess said...

I have had many a mental debates about which tree is worse for the environment. I know that the petroleum used to make an artificial tree is bad, but then most people get at least ten years of use out of it. Whereas a real tree gets thrown away after its use has expired. But then again, many tree farms re-plant trees after harvesting them...

Ack, it's dizzying for me to think about. It's hard to be worried about the environment.

Froyd said...


Merry Christmas. That should be all 7 seasons on that site, if you haven't already found the page.

Froyd said...

dangit, let's try this again:
Trailer Park Boys

Jess said...

Hey Ryan,
I'm not sure if you're aware, but there's this thing that people do on their blogs -- it's called posting. I know, I know, it's a radical concept, but essentially it's pretty easy. If you need help, let me know, I can walk you through a tutorial.

Just thought I'd let you know out it, in case you haven't heard of it.

Your friend,

Ryan said...

maybe tooo much posting with a heaping helping of smart-ass-ed-ness wrecks computers. have you ever thought of that?