My new years resolution this year is to shit more often. In the past I have been a very casual shitter, sometimes going as much as 4 days between bowel movements. Now, I know this isn't healthy, but in the past it suited me fine. I think it all stemed from my childhood when I didn't want to waste any time on the pot, when I could instead be outside playing. This carried on through grade school and to high school, where asking the teacher to go take a shit wasn't very cool. Now I am a grown man, and have realized the joy of shitting. There is not a better feeling than taking a big duker at work and realizing that you are getting paid to poop. I had a good schedule going during the later half of last year, I had solitaire on my phone and I could always get a couple games in during a shit session. It was relaxing and enjoyable. During this time I could almost average 1 chocalate bomb every other day. I screwed it all up though. I knew I was going duck hunting and before duck hunting I would launch a fleet of brown submarines in the mroning between 830 and 9. This creates a problem for someone who is going to be out in the North Dakota wilderness during those times. Therefore, I trained myself to compact the internal shit to a more convenient time like 1 in the afternoon. This lead to much more solidity and much less looking for leaves. Well, after a week of duck hunting, and a case of windsor, my excrement took on the consistency of mud and it hasn't been quite the same since. I am back to every 3 or 4 days, and thats not cool. I would like to get up to once a day like 95% of the population by the end of the year. I plan on accomplishing this by eating fibery cereal, enjoying a prune now and then, installing solitaire on my new phone, and maybe not drink so much tequila.
From chocolate shotgun to pooping heaven in '07.
4 comments:
Too much info.
Ahem...my normal rate is every 4 days but that trip to MN left me with a week (Yes, 7 days!) of pure shit build up. I literally was full of shit and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. I am getting back to normal but still feel rather full.
Again, too much info.
I poop every day; it's sweet.
I suggest a fibery cereal like the delicious Kashi, but get the kind that tastes good ("Go Lean Crunch" is what I like, the honey almond), not the kind that tastes like tree bark, lots of water on a daily basis (approx 60 ounces), and coffee. If these things don't get the shit moving, try apples on a daily basis; an apple has a lot of fiber.
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