Guitar Zero

Tick-Tock almost time to Rock

2012-01-27T08:58:00.000-05:00

Well, it is the 27th today, which gives me 5 more days to practice. I THINK I will be able to get the song down at full speed. I feel pretty comfortable in the 90-95% range, and I can kinda sorta play it at 100% but it sounds about as sloppy as a Motley Crue groupie. There is just 1 tricky part I have playing at speed, and I think I can get that down by Tuesday. I would like to thank my wife for letting me play at least a half hour every night(although some nights I have to wrestle her away from me because she wants to be around me so much, I think the guitar adds to my sexiness factor).

I did finally spend my earnings from my wildly successful fantasy football season on multi-fx pedal:

The problem is is that I need an engineering degree to figure out how to use it. Before I buy something I should always download the instruction manual. If something has more than a 150 page manual(all in english) maybe it isn't for me. Actually I plan on messing around with it quite a bit this weekend, while the kids are napping. I should be able to figure it out by 2013.

The rocking in the garage hasn't been to bad. I actually don't mind it too much. Once summer comes I won't be able to do it though. It will be way to hot for me, and it isn't good for the amp or instraments to go from air conditioning to no airconditioning multiple times. I will have to figure something else out by then.

As far as the kid front goes, Miller is obsessed with Dukes of Hazzard, and the Uncharted 3 videogame. Oh yeah, he also sent some kid to the hospital because he cut the tip of the kids finger off. Mason still doesn't do much, but I think he has some teethers coming in.

Garage Band

2012-01-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

Practicing guitar is a tricky thing in a house that contains a wife, a 3.5 year old, and a 4 month old. Practicing during the waking hours is difficult because actually sitting down for longer than 10 minutes without diapers to change, babies to coddle, bad guys to shoot, and garbages to empty is nearly impossible. So that leaves the non-waking hours. I can't crank up the amp too loud because it will more than likely wake Mason, who goes to bed at 7. Miller has decided to not go to bed until 8, so by the time we are done eradicating bad guys from the house and watching Dukes of Hazzard, we are looking at about 8:15 to 8:30. That leaves me and the wife. For some strange reason, after 10 years of marriage, my wife still insists on spending time with me. If I am lucky I can squeeze in a half-hour practice, if I am really lucky she has her own crap tv shows to watch so I have free reign to do what I want. Usually we are looking at 9 oclock before I am ready to rock. Plugging in the amp at this point isn't going to happen, because now it will wake Miller up, since his room is right next to the guitar room. I have a device that I can plug both my guitar and a pair of headphones into so that I can rock in silence. Well near silence....According to Erin, my unamplified rockishness still reverberated throughout the house last night and Miller said that the slabs of rock I was dishing out also kept him awake. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

That leaves the garage. I obviously won't be able turn the amp on at 9 oclock in the garage, not because it is too loud, but because I don't want any neighborhood hotties breaking down the garage door trying to get to me. So I guess that just means me, sitting on a chair, playing guitar, with my headphones on. Lame. Maybe I should just get an acoustic and light a f^&king campfire while I am at it.....

Actually it won't be too bad. The temp in the garage won't be that bad for a couple months, I can practice my headbanging without having to worry about my wife critiqueing me, and I can finally buy a fog machine and disco lights.

No speeding

2012-01-11T08:25:00.001-05:00

I knew this song was going to be challenging, since I haven't ever played a song this fast before. When I started I could only manage 45% of the speed. Granted, I haven't been practicing near as much as I should, but I have only moved up to 65% speed. I was hoping to hit 75% by the middle of the month. Which gives me about 4 more days.

My main problem is my arms get tired after about 15 minutes of practice. I am building up different muscles which explains the fatigue, but it is hard to practice longer if I can't feel my arms and fingers. I will give it a good push this weekend and see what happens.

In Miller/Mason news,

Miller is obsessed with Transformers movies now, that is all we talk about on the way to school. He has watched the first 2, and we are saving the last one for this weekend.

Mason is consistently sleep through the night 7p.m. to 5:45 a.m. Hopefully this continues until he starts teething...

Insert song title here

2012-01-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

I have grown weary of thinking up song titles for blog titles, so that one is going by the wayside. My millions of blog readers have also grown weary of guessing the song names. I guess I will have to keep the prize ferrari for myself.

New month, new song. It isn't overly complex, but it is very fast. Hope to get it up to speed by the end of the month. I will be taking auditioning dancing girls for the official video. Contact me for an application.

The End of the Line

2011-12-31T21:17:00.000-05:00

Well, it is finished. I am mostly happy with it. I accomplished my goal of learning a song in a month and posting a video. Is it perfect? Nope, not even close. Am I going to spend the time required to get it perfect? Not a chance in hell. At this point I am pretty much over this song, and I am really looking forward to picking something else out for next month. I can't imagine how these artists play the same songs over and over for the rest of thier career.

Positives from this experience:

I played my guitar more in the past month than I have the past 2 years.
I managed to not look like I had to shit my pants while playing the song.
I got a sweet KISS guitar strap for Christmas.
I finally figured out how to work some of the gear that I have for playing guitar.

Negatives:
Not perfect. Was actually thinking about rerecording it, but didn't have the patience. After screwing up the beginning chorus part my hands were shaking like crazy because I thought I was going to screw up the rest.
Plugging into an amplifier not only amplifies the sound, but your mistakes as well.
I don't look quite as cool as I thought I did in my head. Next performance I will have to take my shirt off.

Without further delay, I present to you....

2 minutes to midnight

2011-12-30T08:14:00.002-05:00

Well... I have less than 48 hours to perfect this song to video quality. I did a test run the other night, and while it wasn't horrible I did learn a couple things:

1. When I play guitar I have a look on my face like I am halfway through a real difficult shit.

2. When I screw up I grunt much like a grizzly bear.

How do I solve these things? I am not sure. I have nothing against facial expression if your mastery of the instrument warrants it, or if you are melting someones face with a tasty solo. Neither of these apply to me. I might have to go the makeup route(kiss) or the mask route(slipknot).

As far as the grizzly bear grunting, an easy way to solve this would not be to screw up. That isn't going to happen though. No idea on this one.

I guess we will see what we will see.

Down with the Sickness

2011-12-20T08:26:00.000-05:00

We have been going through the rotation of sickness in the Froyd house the last week and a half. First it was Miller,(who still hasn't completely kicked it), now Mason has a weaker version of it(i hope), and Erin has had it intermittedly. I am hoping that between the alcohol and my strong will, I can avoid this, or possibly delay it until after Christmas. We are going to be having a full house this year, and I need to be on top of my game. Besides I need my strength to not only open my loot, but to help Miller assemble/apply decals/play with all of his loot. Mason's should be pretty hands off this year. I don't think babies get stickers, weapons, or legos thier first year.

Guitar playing has gone swimmingly the last week or so. This is due in part to mainly one thing, and that is the wife's horrendous work schedule. She has been on the computer working until at least nine most nights, which allows me to put forth the rock without having to spend quality time chatting with her. There has also been a lot of football on TV, and football is the perfect thing to watch while practicing. Once I have the song memorized, I can noodle away in a zombified state whilst watching TV. It may not be the most quality of practice, but it is practice nonetheless.

In keeping with the holiday spirit, here is a little video to get you in the mood:

Train of Consequences

2011-12-13T08:32:00.000-05:00

Staying up until 11:30 on a school night, watching football and playing guitar, is not advised. Add that to the fact that Mason has the workings of a cold brewing, which means a couple of wake-up/snotsuck/salinedrip pitstops in the middle of the night, makes for one tired rockstar the next morning. I did get in some mean practice though, my fingers are quite raw this morning.

We have our annual potluck at work today. I have already consumed ravioli, a donut, some cookies, and 6 potstickers. It isn't even 8:30 yet. I should've probably worn some stretchy pants or maybe not worn pants at all. We have two asians battling it out for best pot sticker today, so maybe I better go sample a few more, just so I can be an unbiased judge...

Yes Shannon, my performance video will be posted on this blog at the end of the month, but I am going to be performing in a pit of spiders. You have been warned.

Grind

2011-12-09T07:29:00.001-05:00

I think that the one thing that will keep me from becoming a rock god is perfecting the song I am working on. Say I am learning a new song, I get to a point where I am like 'eh, good enough' and then move on to the next song. I just get a little bored with it, and it is a bit of a grind to bring a song to be played perfectly. I have no problem memorizing the whole song, it just the repitition required to bring my fingers up to speed is what kills me. Hopefully the extra motivation of actually videotaping the song at the end of the month will get me through the endless grind of learning a new song. At least I can hope.

The above song is a tricky one. Good Luck

Played until my fingers bled**

2011-12-07T21:25:00.001-05:00

I may not be posting much but I have been playing guitar quite a bit. The wife had an outing on Friday night at 'The World of Beer' so the whole fam damily went with. It is a cool place. Lots of beer, lots of outdoor seating, lots of room for rugrats to run wild. After I had two delicous(albeit EXPENSIVE)beers, I took the offspring home, put them to bed, and plugged in Rocksmith. I think I played for about an hour and a half. I decided to stop and go grab a beer, then continue my rocking, but the second my poor fingers touched the strings I about started crying. Apparently the trip out to the beer fridge and back gave my fingertips enough time to realize exactly how sore they were becoming. Needless to say, no rocking for me on Saturday. Sunday and Monday were spent rocking whilst watching the footballers. Tuesday Rocksmith again, as well as tonight. And that is that for this worthless post.

**I guess if the lyric is well known, you should be able to guess both the artist and the song. Bonus points will be awarded accordingly.

Until it Sleeps

2011-12-02T07:55:00.001-05:00

So, wouldn't it be clever if every one of my post titles was an actual song? Then you, as the reader, could post the name of the band that sings that song in the comments section, and by the end of the month, whoever has the most correct answers would win something awesome. Well, not sure if I am clever enough to do it all month, but I guess we will see.As far as the rocking went last night, I played for about 45 minutes while I watched the Eagles lose yet another football game. For being a dream team they are batshit terrible. That is not the important thing that happened last night though. The important thing is.... Mason Slept All Night!! From about 7 p.m. until we got him out of his crib at 6. He was awake when I went to get him, so not sure how long he had been awake, but he was quiet and that is all that matters. Hopefully this streak will continue. Not that it has been that bad, but actually getting to use my alarm in the morning is kind of nice. \m/Either myself or my work computer is too retarded to do the correct html coding so this looks like a jumbled mess. I will try to fix it later

The Resurrection

2011-12-01T19:29:00.005-05:00

The Resurrection pertains to two things:

1. This worthless Blog

2. Guitar playing

Lets go into detail.

Blogging, what is the point? Sure, people still do it,but is it the 'in' thing? Shouldn't I be tweeting about my bowel movements, or Facebooking about something that would bring tears to the eyes of a hormonal woman that most of you won't copy and paste in your status?(I am sure you know what I am talking about...)
The only reason I am bringing this blog back from the dead is that it is a good record of what I am doing on a daily basis. My brain cells are shot to shit, and I can barely remember yesterday, much less 2 months ago. I kept a fairly decent record after the birth of #1, and I have went back and looked at it more that I ever thought I would. So now with the birth of #2, I think it is a good idea to keep a better track of his development as well as #1's milestones. Granted the blog currently looks like something a hipster would look at moments before he/she popped and ambian and pressed play on their infinite Morrissey playlist, but I plan on rectifying that sooner or later.

Guitar Playing. I was well on my way to becoming a rock star, but since moving into the new house, my guitars have collected more dust than my fingers have collected callouses. Too much to do, and too little time. I recently purchased a new video game called 'Rocksmith' that has reignited my drive to torture my fans with facemelting guitar solos. It is a game much like Guitarhero/Rockband, but instead of playing with pretend plastic instruments, you actually plug in a real guitar. I would like to start documenting my progress playing guitar and try to learn a new song every month. At the end of the month I plan on posting a video of me playing said song. At least that is the plan. I figure I need about 20 hours per month to learn a song well enough that it doesn't make my ears bleed, but we will see.

Here is a video showcasing Rocksmith:

And here is the song I want to learn for December:

2010-07-30T18:46:00.000-05:00

Dashboard assembled

2010-04-14T18:38:00.002-05:00

It isn't done, I still have to run the wiring for the speakers and the lights, but at least it is something to look at.....

More updates on the Millermobile

2010-03-26T14:23:00.009-05:00

I brought in the stupid pinky KC light covers and machined holes in them to look like brush guards. It was hard to get them to machine up and down, but after a lot of compu-fuckery I figured it out. I then Machined new lenses out of clear acrylic and put a pattern in them to make them reflect better. I then painted everything to make it look awesome.

The steering wheel I just repainted Black, and the trim ring I painted red to match the body. Since this sorry excuse for a jeep was missing the cover plate, I laser-cut a cover plate out of mirrored acrylic. The mirroring is not evident in the pictures because it still has the protective film on it. The protective film will be removed after everything is assembled.

New Radio to play Rock Guitar!
If there is one thing that I cannot stand it is driving/riding in a vehicle in silence. What better opportunity to crank the tunes? So I decided that the Millermobile would have a plentiful amount of tunes. The problem with this was the fact that he has the fine motor skills of a silver back gorilla, so I needed to figure out a way that he could...

1. Turn on the music.
2. Be happy with the music
3. Not have to worry about adjusting the volume.

I went to toysrus and found this sweet MP3 player on clearance so I bought it. It has a large play button which functions as the on/off button as well..... bingo. I plan on taking a facebook quiz and narrowing down the number of songs to fit on 1 gig. That takes care of turning on the music, as well as being happy with the music. At Millers age, the music he listens to will be governed by the elders.

He won't have to worry about adjusting the volume because I am installing external battery driven speakers in the Jeep. To turn them on(at a preset volume) all he has to do is hit the switch on the far right. And then he shall rocketh.

The 2 switches on the left above the MP3 player control the headlights and the KC lights......

Yes I realize he is spoiled. Whether or not he turns rotten from the spoilness remains to be seen.

Progress

2010-03-14T20:29:00.004-05:00

Well, had a good week and got quite a bit done on project PW. I will give you before and after pics and tell you what all I did.

Brake lights. Stock ones were lame. Painted the purply parts silver. Took the old solid red lenses, looked at them, and then threw them in the garbage as fast as I could. Took dimensions and machined new lenses out of Red acrylic. Created the pattern in Mastercam using a .125 ball end mill and machined the pattern on the inside surface. After it was machined, I put some reflective tape on the inside surface to make it reflectivy. After the body is painted I can screw it together and put the lenses on. I thought briefly about making these light up like brake pedals, but the only person that would benefit is the person riding behind Miller...and Miller doesn't care about 2nd place.

Front Grill. Where to begin....
1. Stupid Blue Headlights. Lame. Made a mold out of the originals and cast clear lenses. Much more realistic. This isn't a toy, people.
2. Brush guard for headlights. Lame. Painted over the purply with Silver to match the rims.
3. Front Grill. This is where I ran into a slight hiccup. My original plan was to paint the jeep either the color of my truck or the color of Erin's pretend truck. After I found out that a quart of paint for my truck color was $290, I quickly changed my tune. I looked through our paint at work and found the most of what we used the least. It happens to be Ferrari Red. Not sure how many jeeps have been painted Ferrari red, but I think that Miller's might be unique.
4. Grill inserts. Painted .125 abs Dark silver first, then made a pattern and machined holes in it. This allowed me to not have to paint little black dots after it was machined. Much like Bacon on a sandwich, I believe it is a nice touch.

I also finished the steering wheel(which I forgot at work) and the KC lights but I don't have pictures, so you will have to stay tuned for the next 3 weeks until I decide to post next.

Miller Video

2010-03-09T14:10:00.000-05:00

Tires Pretty much done....

2010-03-07T13:14:00.003-05:00

Pretty big difference. I used ppg's black epoxy primer so hopefully it holds up. I have to put some BMX tires on the front tires to give it better steering(which allows better power slides!) and then I am done. Probably do a few more smaller pieces in the next couple weeks, and then when my folks are down I will try and tackle the body.

Goodbye.

2010-03-01T20:39:00.004-05:00

This sumbitch has been waking me up against my will for the last 11 years. My future in laws got it for me for a college graduation present, and I'll be damned if I didn't curse them for it 5 days a week.

It was a good clock, I didn't use the special effects(who really needs to hear seagulls when the go to sleep, or wake up? and the Ocean waves and rain just made me want to take a leak.) Nor did I use the CD player. The CD player sounded good, but as for being an alarm sound, I was well awake by the time the CD player actually started playing. You would be surprised how loud all the mechanisms are in a CD-player at 5 in the morning.

I held on to it as long as I could. The clock was losing 11 minutes per month, and the LCD glow was starting to get louder and louder. If you don't believe me, hit the glow button on your wristwatch and put it to your ear. It actually hums... This sucker was about as loud as a howling banshee, so I decided enough is enough.

Now I am stuck with some cheap piece of shit that glows green through the night, whose digits are so big Ray Charles could read them, and whose buzzer sounds like toddlers chewing on tinfoil whilst sliding their fingernails AND toenails down a rusty chalk board. Not only that but I have no clue on how to turn on or off the God-damned thing.

I hate change.

No painting this weekend

2010-03-01T07:52:00.001-05:00

It was too cold, the paint would have taken forever to dry. I wish I had've moved to a state with warmer more moderate temperatures...

Rearwheel Retread complete

2010-02-25T20:48:00.003-05:00

The center tread has been restored. It should offer enough slip as to not tear apart the gearboxes and it should be thick enough to keep the rest of the tire off the road so that the black paint will last longer. I machined the tread out of 1/8" ABS and then heated it up and bent it over 1 gallon paint cans per Uncle Jon and Uncle Brian's suggestions. I then screwed it into the wheel using 1" drywall screws. It went well but it was a little time consuming. They definitely aren't perfectly round, and will generate much road noise at 50 mph, but at 3 mph they should be fine.

I have one more wheel to sandblast tomorrow, and if everything goes good I should be able to get a coat of catalyzed primer on them this weekend.

As far as guitar has been going, I am kind of in a conundrum. I was going to pay for March and tell the teacher that March was going to be my last month, but I went to my lesson on Wednesday and there was a note on the door that said he had been rushed to the hospital on Tuesday. So who knows. Maybe I end my lessons a month early?

Weekend update

2010-02-22T21:19:00.004-05:00

Not much got done on project PW this weekend. Miller decided he didn't want to take very many or very long naps, so that shot pretty much any free time I had during the day. The in-laws were down this weekend, and helped take quite a bit of the 'Miller-Load' off of my shoulders. They babysat on Saturday night so the wife and I went to supper and a movie. We couldn't remember the last movie we went to together by ourselves. We went to Avatar. It was good, but I don't know if it is worth a DVD purchase when it comes out. The 3-d was cool, but I kinda doubt it is the future of movie-making.

Here is what I did find out this weekend. RIT-dye is about 25% effective in dyeing PW tires:

It cut some of the girlishness down, but not enough. I think I am going to end up painting the wheels and then laminating some .030" black acrylic down the center with some offshoots for traction. I have to do up the data and then Lasercut the parts when I have time. I created an autocad file to do some Goodyear Tire lettering out of white vinyl once the tires are painted. If I could get paint on the tires this weekend, that would be delightful, but I will just hope to get them clean an sandblasted by Sunday.

For Sale or Trade

2010-02-17T21:57:00.004-05:00

4 Tires and Hubcaps. Less than 50,000 miles. Very Purpley. More Purpley than pictures suggest.

I spent more time tonight cleaning the garage than I did working on the PW. Even if this project fails, at least I will get a cleaner garage out of the deal.

Today at work I ordered lights for the PW, I will update when the arrive. I have been debating about installing a keyed ignition, but I have decided against it. Although Miller knows what Mom and Dad's keys are and what they are used for, most of the keyed switches I have seen are very small, too small for his coordination. I will make a fake non-functioning one for him. It will save some money and also the hassle of wiring a relay in between the battery and the shifter. Most keyed switches/switches in general are rated around 3-10 amps. The PW will pull up to 30 amps when it first gets going, which is too much for the keyed switch, which would necessitate a relay. Too much of a hassle for me, and I really don't think Miller will care.

The wheels came off easily enough, but you could tell that it had been outside for awhile. A lot of rust and crapidation. Nothing a little elbow grease and WD-40 can't fix though.

No updates

2010-02-17T07:57:00.002-05:00

Played Raquetball last night and watched Lost. Didn't get at Powerwheel work done. At least Miller let us sleep through the night last night.

Nice

2010-02-16T07:41:00.001-05:00

POWER!!!!!!

2010-02-15T20:47:00.002-05:00

So I did a hillbilly hack job and hardwired the battery directly to the shifter box.

1st Gear, 2nd Gear, and reverse work like a charm. As an added bonus the high speed lockout has never been removed(The shifter has a screw that blocks it from going into high gear, it was a real sunovabitch to get out, so that makes me think it has been there the entire time). Which means the drive-train and motors probably haven't been abused that much. This puppy purrs like an ugly kitten.

Now that I know things work, I went ahead and ordered the accelerator pedal(found the exact match, black, not pink), 2 hood latches, and 4 lock nuts for the wheels for a total of: $29.82

Which brings the grand total of the project to: $123.87. Which is technically $1.13 less than I said I was originally going to spend. I fibbed last night when I said it was going to be around $130.

Now the fun part begins. Since I know it is going to work I can really go crazy on the finishing, painting, and accessorizing of this bad boy. Other than paint, here are some of the things I would like to do:

Working Headlights, and a Light bar for Roll Cage ($20)
Working Ignition. Might do a fake one, if I can find something that works under $10 I will do it.
Rear-view mirror. Can make at work.
Radio/sound FX. Nice to have, a lot of people use cheap clock radios, we'll see. A bruthas gotta have tunes.
Gas-Cap Charger. ($10) Would be nice, but not necessary.
Make a new fake phone. Can make at work
Attachable shovel($7)
Customized License Plate. Can make at work
Cup holder for Milk.($3)
Do something about the damned purple wheels....

So with all the 'nice to haves' it would still be under $175, which is still roughly half of a new one. I am not saying that all of the above would get done, but everything purchased has to be under $20 per item. There may be things that Erin suggests that needs to be done as well.(Sun visors with Mirrors probably)

All in all, everything is going good. That is all I can ask for.

Powerwheels Progress

2010-02-14T19:43:00.002-05:00

I made a few purchases related to the secret project this weekend:

So far total money out of pocket is: $94.05.

This may seem like a lot to spend on something that we aren't even sure works yet, but here are my justifications.

Any Power wheels on craigslist, garbages, etc. does not come with a battery. The reason for this is that the batteries are of a low quality, and the chargers that come with them are shit. The chargers(if not closely monitored) will overcharge the battery, thus shortening its life. If you forget to unplug the charger after a few hours, it will keep charger full speed ahead. If you go to bed and leave the power wheels plugged in, your battery is going tits up real soon.

So.....I knew no matter what I would have to buy a new battery. After a lot of research I found a new battery. The new battery is $20 cheaper than the official 'Power wheels' brand, which is good, plus it is rated at 12v/12ah. The stock batteries are rated at 12v/9ah, which means the new battery will last approximately 25% longer than the old battery. This will please Miller.

I also knew that I would need a new battery charger, one that actually monitors the batteries voltage, and shuts off once the battery is 'full'. This will extend the life of the battery from 3-6 months to 2 or more years. This pleases me.

As for the other stuff, I needed to run new wiring as the previous owner ripped most of it out. Also, with the new battery I needed to run an in line 30amp fuse, because the stock batteries have an integrated fuse inside the battery. Without fuses, bad things happen.

The goal this week is to run the new wire enough so that I can hook up the battery to the switch to see what works and what doesn't.

3 things may or may not work.

High/low/reverse shifter. If this doesn't work it is bad news. They cost between $10 and $20, which isn't a big deal, but since this jeep was made back in '99, I can't buy a direct replacement, which means a lot of jerry rigging on my part, which I may not feel up to.

Gearboxes. The gearboxes are brittle and prone to shearing pieces off. From what I can see everything looks tip top, but once I hook everything else and something is off, it could be a deal breaker, as new gearboxes are $30 a piece and this one has 2.

Motors. Sitting outside in the rain for 10 years will wreak havoc on these motors. There are 2 motors in the vehicle. Luckily, motors are cheap $19 apiece, and are one of the easiest modifications to do to make the vehicle faster. Broken motors might not be a deal breaker as I may have replaced these anyways.

So this week will be a big week concerning whether or not this project will be continued. I have given myself a limit of $130 to get the jeep running. Keep in mind that $130 does not include a stereo system, under-vehicle neon, hydraulics, working lights, and the aformention turret mounted bb-gun. $130 just to be able to put one size 7 kids shoe on the accelerator and have it take off at a leisurely pace. That means I have $40 dollars to work with. Here is what I know has to be fixed without even considering the previous 'might go wrongs'.

Accelerator pedal. Right now there is no accelerator pedal, I either need to fabricate one, or buy one online($12). Either way I will have to do some fandangaling to make it fit, because all of the original pedals have been sold. Luckily I can test everything else out by hard wiring the battery directly to the shifter, thus by-passing the accelerator pedal.

Inconclusion, if it looks like this project is going to go over budget, it goes right back out to the side of the road. I can use everything I have purchased up to this point in another vehicle so it will be no great loss(other than the loss of brain cells by consuming toooo many beers the night of acquisition because I was so damned excited). But lets hope it doesn't come to that.

It's On!

2010-02-12T21:31:00.003-05:00

So right about the time that the Dr. told us that I had produced a boy in Erin's loins I have had a certain amount of things that I have had planned for said boy. One of these was to procure a Pow-Pow-Power wheels for him....

When I was but a young-buck, I really really really wanted a pow-pow-power wheels. The Sears wish-book would come in the mail and I would spend hours trying to figure out a way to get one. I remember one year telling my parents that I was willing to go in half with them if they wanted to get me one.

My parents, in their infinite wisdom, realised that once a boy is old enough to know what a pow-pow-power wheels is, they more than likely will be supremely disappointed with the pow-pow-power wheels performance once they receive it. Thus, I never received a pow-pow-power wheels. Don't feel sorry for me because I did get a Froyd-Custom Go-kart that worked most of the time, plus tractor rides and plenty of ride on toys.

My plan with Miller is to give him a pow-pow-power wheels before he even knows what one is, thus blowing his little mind. That being said I am also known as(and I quote)"The tightest fucker alive". So in keeping with that tradition, far be it for me to go and spend over 300 dollars on a toy that M-dawg will outgrow in 6-8 months. I have been searching the local craigslists and what not, and have not come upon any great deals. Now is not the time to be looking I suppose, because all the snot-nosed little brats just received the presents that their parents will be looking to sell in 6-8 months. Weeeelllll....I can't wait that long. Today I found a rare gem, sitting alongstside the paved path awaiting garbaaaaahge pickup. I present it to you now:

Yes, it is obviously a BARBIE pow-pow-power wheels jeep. This does not concern me....well the purple wheels concern me, because I don't think paint will last long on them, other than that, some camouflage will suit it nicely.

I cannot tell you my overall plans right now, but I can tell you that the Discovery/Speed/TLC channels will probably be wanting to film a TV show ala Orange County Choppers when I am done with this bad boy. I wonder if a Turret-mounted BB-gun would be overkill?

My plan is to unveil it on or around Miller's birthday this year. We will be in Fargo for his actual birthday so I will be damned if I am bringing it up there, but he will have it either before or after that.

I shall be taking pictures during the process to document, as per this blog, be prepared for updates every 3-4 weeks.

Good Day.

Here's hoping February is better that January

2010-02-01T11:46:00.003-05:00

This is what I think of January...

OLD MAN

2010-01-27T07:48:00.002-05:00

Wow. I went and played Racquetball last night with Dave, and while it was fun, I feel pretty broken this morning. I haven't played racquetball in close to 11 years, and have not had any strenuous physical activity since playing basketball before my knee surgery(over a year ago). You may be wondering how I keep up this heavenly bod without exercise, sometimes I wonder that myself, but I guess I am just a natural specimen of sexy. I hope to play at least once a week for my fitness. Hopefully I won't feel as raggedy next week.

As far as guitar goes, I have been slacking a bit. I am learning Back in Black by AC/DC which is a good song, but I am just not into it. It is easy enough, and it rocks, but I am just meh over it. Since the wife is in Miami until Saturday I will have some good practice ahead of me.

Forkables my ass.

2010-01-25T19:11:00.002-05:00

2010-01-24T22:25:00.000-05:00

Dammit

Adventures in Oh-nah sitting

2010-01-24T13:39:00.002-05:00

This is the same reaction that Erin gives me every time I try and kiss her.

Night one down

2010-01-21T08:03:00.002-05:00

Pickup of the Norah and Miller went well last night. Miller pointed out all the buses and boats on the way home last night. Then we had snacks while Norah had her bottle. Then we played cars, where Norah just sat on her rocking chair and Miller decided which cars she would like to play with. He decided about 8 cars and a tractor would be adequate for her. I have a picture of her piled high with cars but I haven't uploaded it yet. Then we played in Millers room, went outside, cooked some supper, and by about that time it was time for PJ's and the last bottle. During the last bottle is when Miller started getting jealous. He decided that he needed to be right next to us. So he climbed up on the couch and sat right next to me and continued to try to inch his way up on my lap. I have a pretty substantial lap, but a stretched out Norah takes up a fair bit of real estate, so he was out of luck. He then decided that he would get down and bang on furniture because he knew I couldn't reach him. I think tonight he will be enjoying watching Monster Trucks from his high-chair while I feed Norah. She went down good and we didn't hear a peep for the rest of the time she was here.

Neither child had and interesting in potty training last night, so I will try again tonight.

Guitar Practice-60 mins
Practices-Back in Black

Party Time Tonight!

2010-01-20T08:00:00.002-05:00

Since dum-dum derry is going out of town for the next week, Miller and I have been charged with picking up and taking care of young Norah for the next 2 nights while young Jessica slaves away at work so her husband can go on vacation for a week. Real nice Jerry...

I don't know that we have many shenanigans planned for the next 2 nights, but I know we will think of something. Whether it is strip clubs, boxing matches, knife fights, running with scissors, there is always fun to be had on my watch. I think for tonight we will just take it easy. I am planning on teaching Norah to walk, and completely potty training both her and Miller tonight. That way I won't have to deal with any diapers tomorrow night.

In all seriousness it will be nice to have someone peaceful in the house tonight. Someone who stays in one spot, respects me, doesn't bark constantly, throw toys, or want to ride a mo-mo every minute of the evening.

Guitar Practice for Tuesday: 65 minutes
Practiced: JBG at 85%(still to fast, all 5 fingers on my fretting hand are retarded) and Fade to Black.

MLK Day at home

2010-01-18T19:59:00.003-05:00

Since Erin had to work all day today, it was just me and the little man all day. He slept in until quarter after 8 and then the day began. I had grand plans for today, but not many of them went through. We decided to take Annie to the dog park today and meet the Malechas up there. This was the first time Annie went to the dog park in years and all in all she did well. She was super protective of Miller and also protective of Scooter. She got crabby twice. Once was with a little dog that got to close to Miller and Annie got in its face a knocked it to the ground. After I pulled them apart, the little dog(a schnauzer?) got up limping. I kept on eye on the little dog and it stopped limping after a bit. The second incident happened in a group of dogs and Annie got crabby. She growled and barked, but didn't bite. All of a sudden some asshat comes running out and with his voice raised: 'That's it, that's all I can take. That dog shouldn't be here. It is an aggressive dog. If that was my dog I wouldn't take her anywhere, she doesn't belong in any dog park, if you had any common sense you would realize that.' This all came about quickly and I had no scathing replies. Jess stood up for Annie and I piped in couple times but I was honestly at a loss for words. There were things rolling around in my head, but they wouldn't have been wise to say. The guy was playing catch with his son, and I don't know that anybody deserves to be embarrassed in front of there offspring. This guy was doing a pretty good job of embarrassing himself anyway. He seemed to be the type where his opinion was right and there was no changing it. I shrugged it off and we left. I am still steaming about this and it has been bothering me all day. I think the part that bothers me the most is that I had nothing to say. Granted Annie is aggressive when it comes to protecting and I try to keep her in check. That being said I believe every dog owner has a responsibility to keep an eye on their dog. Sitting on a bench while your dog is 50-75 yards away is slightly irresponsible in my eyes. Oh well, I guess this will pass, but I would really like to shove my foot so far up that guys ass that he could use my toenails as dental picks.

After we left Miller and I were going to go to Markham Park and watch the RC airplanes and copters while we enjoyed a picnic lunch. Unfortunately Markham park was closed, so that shot that. We went to the normal park instead, it was okay, but no copters.

Erin got home early today, which was nice as it allowed me to cook in peace while her and Miller played.

Except for the shithead at the Dog Park, today was a good day.

Guitar Practice: Saturday, .5 hours. Sunday 0. Today 1.5 hours
Practiced: JBG 85%, Fade to Black.

No guitar tonight.

2010-01-15T19:57:00.001-05:00

I have to watch 'The Proposal' with the wife. Hope it isn't tooooo terrible. Sandra Bullock is hot in an older lady sort of way. And Ryan Reynolds is just dreamy.

Meh

2010-01-14T20:26:00.002-05:00

Our picture window in the front of the house has a huge crack down the middle of it. I though they came back and tried to smash it in, but it appears to be a stress crack, which is not covered under warranty. January is officially the suxxorz.

Guitar Practice:55 minutes

Practiced: Chords 40 minutes, JBG 15 minutes at 75%. toooo fast.

New years resolutions and what not....

2010-01-14T09:24:00.003-05:00

I just reviewed my resolutions from last year and I think I did a pretty good job on 2 of them. I played a lot of guitar and Miller still likes me(whether he respects me or not still remains to be seen). Unfortunately, Matt and I decided to let Pablo and Parkin win the wingman competition again last year. I guess sometimes I am a more giving person that what I realize. On one hand it is good that we didn't win the Wingman trophies last year, because more than likely they would have got stolen. On the other hand, if the crooks had of seen the trophies and realized their pricelessness, that is probably all they would have stolen.

My resolutions for this year are as follows:

On the Guitar front I plan to play as much, if not more than last year. Since starting lessons in April I have averaged a half hour of playing every day(not including vacations where a guitar was not available). I would like to increase that to an average of an hour a day, but we'll see how that goes. I am going to stop taking lessons in April and we will see how that goes. I am looking forward to it because it will give me more time to explore other things to learn. Right now I feel like all I concentrate on is what I am taught in my Rockstar lessons, which is good, but sometimes I feel like it is binding and keeping me from checking other stuff out. That being said, I worry that without the timeline of weekly lessons, I will become lazy and not play as much. There is only one way to find out, and that will start in May.

On the kid front I plan to keep doing what I have been doing. Paddling and Spanking. The only way to nurture and grow a young child is through strict discipline and a strong hand. I have ordered a spanking machine online, and will put it together as soon as it arrives. I plan on hooking Miller up to it whether he is naughty or not. If nothing else purely for the entertainment value. I think Erin and I may try potty training in the later part of the year. The spanking machine will definitely come in handy for that.

On the wingman front, Matt and I plan to stop being so generous and take home the trophies this year.

I guess that is pretty much it. Shouldn't be too difficult. Hopefully the rest of the year will go better than January has up to this point.

Afghanistan: Inside a Firefight

2010-01-14T07:58:00.001-05:00

Afghanistan: Inside a Firefight

Erin and I both went to high school and are friends with SGT. Dan Shealy.

2 days in a row....crazy

2010-01-13T20:40:00.002-05:00

Not much to post about. Busy day at work today. I knew I was going to be slow, so I asked Miller this morning while we were trying to dress him what kind of toy he wanted me to make him at work. He said 'boat' right away. Kinda weird since he never really talks about boats unless it is bath time or we see one on the road. I am just glad he said boat instead of anything else. That damned boat took me all day to draw up on the computer, machine the parts, and paint everything. I knew it was a tight deadline for a demanding customer, so I pulled out all the stops and got it done. I haven't worked that hard at work in a while. It turned out okay. Some of the painting could have gone better, I tried a different clearcoat to speed things up and it didn't work quite so well, and there are some dust specs in the top of the boat, but I don't think he noticed. The good thing is that is floats and he managed to fit 4 little people and a dog on it without it capsizing, so I will call it a success. Maybe the wife and I will go buy a camera this weekend and I will post a pic of it.

Rockstar lessons went alright today, but man my teacher is a bit of a moron. He decided to reformat his computer earlier and it wasn't done for the lesson. We use the computer for 95% of the lessons(songs, backing tracks, lesson history, etc.) so one would think that one wouldn't reformat when one has a lesson coming up. He has been a bit of a scatterbrain on more than one occasion, so I don't think I am going to feel bad about stopping lessons in April. That will have been a full year of lessons, so I think I will take a break and try to teach myself some stuff for awhile.

Guitar Practice: 30 minutes at lesson. 55 minutes at home
Practiced: Johnny b goode at 70%, Fade to Black at 90%, and briefly AC/DC at 95%

Made me chuckle

2010-01-13T07:49:00.001-05:00

Somethings gotta get me to blog more....

2010-01-12T21:13:00.002-05:00

Hell if I know what it is going to be. After a very eventful week, the straw that broke the camel's back was when I found out today that our homeowners insurance doesn't cover shit concerning theft. Up to $1000 for jewelry, that's it. It covers up to $2500 for silverware. You have got too be kidding me, I don't know that thieves go after silverware these days. So since our deductible is $2500 we won't be filing a claim. $12,195 of belongings pissed right into the wind, 100% of which were Erin's, 75% of which I paid for as gifts to her. At this point all we can do is hope the Sunrise Police Department does their job, finds the perps, cuffs em and stuffs em, and recovers our stuff. So far, January is not off to a great start.

I did purchase a new bit of Guitar gear with my Fantasy Football winnings($240 bucks, good job Ryan, Thanks Ryan), and I would love to take a picture and post it, but our camera is currently in the hands of dirty rotten crooks. So that will have to wait.

Regarding the title of this post I am going to try to post everyday with how long I practiced guitar and what I practiced....we'll see how long this lasts.

Practice Time: 69 minutes
Practiced: Johnny B Goode. Whole song is memorized, can only play at 65% speed.

How to write a Hollywood Plotline....

2010-01-05T10:06:00.001-05:00

Slight Similarities.....

2010-01-01T17:08:00.005-05:00

Me at 22 months

Miller at 18 months

A couple more things

2009-12-23T22:10:00.003-05:00

Delta/Northwest airlines suck. A nationwide high speed rail system like Europe would be a nice alternative, since the airlines and airports can't get their shit together. A $1500 dollar trip should NOT get fucked up in both directions.

I think I am finally at the age now where I don't need to sneak and figure out what presents I am going to get. I have been sneaking around for many years now(Sean and Erik, you are welcome for the year I got busted by Mom and Dad), but the last few years I have liked not knowing what I am getting. Part of this may be due to the fact that I already know what Miller is getting and I am excited for him.

Bah-Humbug vs. Chrimmus Spirit
So I am on my way to pick up Biscuit-head(Miller) today and I witness some jack-hole driver pulling some fast and furious bullshit with his/her jacked up work truck. This douche decided he/she would be cool and pass a car using the left hand turn lanes at a busy intersection, and barely make it back to the road before he/she hit the median.(I am using both he/she because the windows were tinted and I believe that judgement on shitty driving should not be sexist). For some reason this made my blood boil. I drive by this intersection every day and I know the number of school children and buses that use this intersection, and this shitfuck could have easily taken out a good number of people if the timing was right. Luckily for him/her today wasn't the day. As luck would have it, I was able to pull up alongside the vehicle before I turned into daycare and call the number on the side of the truck. This is the message I leave--"Just calling to let you know that the driver of the jacked up red truck drives like a fucking asshole. I hope that when he gets in an accident he doesn't take anyone with him. Merry Christmas."

Well as I am picking up Biscuit Head at Daycare I get a phone call and a message from that number. It was basically a lady with a quivering voice that said she appreciated the info on the driver but my language was completely unnecessary. That made me feel bad since it sounded like she was about ready to cry, and I thought maybe her kids had heard the message out loud, and they would start saying fuck instead of truck.(like someone else I know). Not only that but Santa is watching.

I called and left a message apologizing, saying that my language was unacceptable, that I was just caught up in the moment and I was very frustrated. Happy Holidays, blah, blah, blah.

She calls back and says that she was thankful for the apology and that it made her feel much better about the situation. She said that her drivers need to realize that the trucks are moving billboards for their company. I said Merry Chrimmus, and that was that.

I wouldn't have apologized normally, but since Santa is watching, and I have already had my truck spray painted once this year, I figured it was best.

Two things

2009-12-01T20:55:00.002-05:00

Tonight I played two songs at full speed by memory on guitar.

Metallica-Fade to Black-Rythm Part

AC/DC-You Shook Me All Night Long-Lead and Solo.

Now, if there was only a band that wanted to tour the world on those two songs I would be set.

In other news, Miller has butt rash so bad he walks with stiff legs like he has a stick up his butt. Since Monday morning, he has dropped 7 dueces. That is usually my quota for a week and a half. I guess thats what happens when you eat too much good food on vacation.

Yep

2009-11-30T08:14:00.000-05:00

Dirt is good

2009-11-25T18:23:00.000-05:00

Article on BBC.com

Dirt can be good for children, say scientists

Messy play should be encouraged, according to the hygiene hypothesis
Children should be allowed to get dirty, according to scientists who have found being too clean can impair the skin's ability to heal.

Normal bacteria living on the skin trigger a pathway that helps prevent inflammation when we get hurt, the US team discovered.

The bugs dampen down overactive immune responses that can cause cuts and grazes to swell, they say.

Their work is published in the online edition of Nature Medicine.

Experts said the findings provided an explanation for the "hygiene hypothesis", which holds that exposure to germs during early childhood primes the body against allergies.

Many believe our obsession with cleanliness is to blame for the recent boom in allergies in developed countries.

'Good' bacteria

Researchers from the School of Medicine at University of California, San Diego, found a common bacterial species, known as Staphylococci, blocked a vital step in a cascade of events that led to inflammation.

Rates of allergy have tripled in the UK in the last decade. One in three people now has some kind of allergy

A spokeswoman for Allergy UK
By studying mice and human cells, they found the harmless bacteria did this by making a molecule called lipoteichoic acid or LTA, which acted on keratinocytes - the main cell types found in the outer layer of the skin.

The LTA keeps the keratinocytes in check, stopping them from mounting an aggressive inflammatory response.

Head of the research Professor Richard Gallo said: "The exciting implication of the work is that it provides a molecular basis to understand the hygiene hypothesis and has uncovered elements of the wound repair response that were previously unknown.

"This may help us devise new therapeutic approaches for inflammatory skin diseases."

The lobby group Parents Outloud said the work offered scientific support for its campaign to stop children being mollycoddled and over-sanitised.

A spokeswoman for Allergy UK said there was a growing body of evidence that exposure to germs was a good thing.

But she said more research was needed.

"Rates of allergy have tripled in the UK in the last decade. One in three people now has some kind of allergy.

"Some of this might be that people are better informed. But a lot of it is genetic as well as down to our environment," she said.

I guess I don't need lessons anymore

2009-11-24T13:47:00.002-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Favorite song off the new Wolfmother album

2009-11-20T07:23:00.001-05:00

Guitar Goggles Final

2009-11-19T13:34:00.001-05:00

Guitar Goggles part 2

2009-11-17T16:22:00.001-05:00

Pretty Good

2009-11-16T07:48:00.001-05:00

I don't know if this chick is hot, or if she is just hot because she plays guitar.

Congrats to my Brother

2009-11-14T21:02:00.002-05:00

For becoming a Doctor! He did a good job and a 10 year journey is finished. Now if I ever get a nasty butt rash I know just who to call!

So lets see. 3 Froyd boys. 1 Dr., 1 possible congressman, and......wait for it...............1 model maker.

Obviously the model maker has the most impact on our society, as well as our country. Making the world a better place one model at a time.

17 month observation

2009-11-05T19:10:00.002-05:00

1/3 of a Totino's pizza is no problem as long as you have 8 oz. of whole milk to wash it down with, and Jr. Mints for Desert.

I hope this economy gets better soon. If I have to cook TWO Totino's pizzas every time Erin is not home or out of town, I will go broke.

Stevie Ray Vaughn-Tightrope

2009-11-02T11:49:00.001-05:00

So this is the song I am working on right now, at about 40% of the speed of the original, and at about 100% less facial expressions...This guy is pretty good.

Albino Stevie Wonder

2009-10-30T20:41:00.001-05:00

Finally beat the Internet

2009-10-30T20:01:00.006-05:00

It took all fucking week, and some help from my little brother, but at last I have conquered it. All I wanted was a simple fucking thing. I wanted to post MP3s on my blog post. I don't have that much interesting to say, and I am sure that what few readers I have are tired of Miller pictures, so I figured I would post some music(as illegal as it may or may not be), because music is one thing that I find interest in, no matter the style, content, delivery, or time frame in which it is recorded/delivered in.(except for U2, they suck). Apparently, that is far more difficult then what one is led to believe. Once a brutha figures it out(and by brutha, I mean brother(Sean)) it's not so bad. It is still not as easy as it should be, but at least it can be done.....

Once I get better at guitar, I will be able to post things to my blog. Since I am not to that point yet, I will post a song from one of my favorite bands at this moment....

***edit*** apparently the Internet is still trying to stick it to me. You have to click the play button twice for it to work.

I hate computers and the internet

2009-10-27T08:10:00.004-05:00

Well after a very frustrating evening I think the internet and I are back on speaking terms. If your computer ever decides to give you the middle finger and not work no matter what you try, make sure you check your date and time at the bottom right hand corner. If there is a power outtage sometimes it will reset itself, and if it is in the future, many websites will not work. Also some Malware will fuck with it just to piss you off as well. Hopefully I just saved you some frustrations in the future.....

The whole reason for this hassle was because I wanted to find a way to post music clips of my guitar playing online for my own records, as well as to showcase how awesome I am not. After much fuckery I think I have it figured out. That being said there is no more humbling experience than to record yourself playing guitar and then hearing it back. I sound much better in my mind than I do through computer speakers, much better. So me posting music is a ways off...

I can use what I have learned to thrust my musical leanings upon you. Every once in a while I will post a song from a band that I like that you can listen to(as long as quicktime is installed on your computer) I won't be able to label the songs, because I am sure there are some sort of copy write laws that would land my ass in jail, so it will just be a song clip with a brief description, that will have to do.

So here we go-Instrumental Metal(no vocals)

Things I Think I Think

2009-10-23T08:36:00.004-05:00

I think it would be nice for all Fridays to be half days.

I think coffee is a very effective laxative.

I think 'Parks and Recreation', 'Community' and 'Accidentally on Purpose' are not long for this world.

I think the new Wolfmother album will be good.

I think very few country songs sound like country songs.

I think Miller grew up a lot more than I thought he would while I was gone.

I think that buttering up the Daycare ladies with Donuts every once in a while is beneficial.

I think I have not quite recovered from the Duck Hunting trip.

I think I am ready to go on another Duck Hunting trip anyway.

I think that nobody picks the first stall in the bathroom, because they think everyone always goes to the first stall, which is why I always pick the first stall in the bathroom.

I think global warming is hogwash.

Man on Fire

2009-10-19T11:47:00.003-05:00

So I took today off to relax and recharge before heading into work tomorrow. It is now 12:45 and here's my day up to this point:

Drop Miller off at day care
Get Groceries
Clean Kitchen
Prep food for Supper and one other meal this week
Start Laundry
Baked Cake
Pay Bills
Pet Cat
Take clothes to Goodwill
Get stuff at Petsmart
Get haircut
Go to Dr. to get a prescription fingered out for my Sinus Infucktion
Go to Target
Drop Prescription off at Walgreens
Put Supper in Crockpot
Continue Laundry
Eat Lunch

I still have to finish shopping for my Halloween Costume and pick up my prescription....

I think I woulda rather went to work.

Cold in North Dakota

2009-10-11T13:19:00.002-05:00

The sloughs are starting to freeze over, I had to break 2 inch ice to get to a duck, my shotgun fell apart, water went over my waders, and I shot 2 ducks this morning. All in all a good time, but 10 degrees warmer wouldn't hurt.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2009-10-09T09:05:00.002-05:00

To go Duck Hunting. Probably won't be posting much this week......

Giggle Monster

2009-09-03T12:16:00.000-05:00

Interesting

2009-09-02T06:24:00.001-05:00

How to shower like a ...
Woman

Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 33 degrees.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bathroom.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
Turn on the hot water only.
Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.
Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.
Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water.
Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to bedroom.

Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (no)
Turn on the water.
Check for pecs again. (no)
Get in the shower.
Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
Wash your face (not compulsory)
Wash your armpits (not compulsory).
Wash your penis and surrounding area.
Wash your bum (not compulsory)
Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.
Pee
Rinse off and get out of the shower.
Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.

Classic....

2009-08-11T18:16:00.001-05:00

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

That's what I am talking about.....

2009-08-10T18:44:00.001-05:00

Car shopping is not fun......

2009-08-04T19:01:00.002-05:00

It is an all day affair that ends with writing checks for amounts that no sane person has any business writing. That being said, I don't think today could have gone much better. Erin will have all the details, I was just along in case we had a hot saleslady that would give us a good deal in exchange for some naughty time with me.....unfortunatly, we had a dude.

It is going to be a long weekend.....

2009-07-18T07:43:00.003-05:00

Erin came home from work at noon yesterday not feeling well, had a fever and pretty much laid in bed for 20 hours shivering. She just left for urgent care. The child that she spawned 13.5 months ago is cutting teeth like it is his job. It seems to be 2 good days, followed by 2 bad days. I feel bad for him, because I know it has to hurt, but the nonstop whining is driving me up the wall. The only positive is that Tylenol helps his teeth, as well as making him sleepy. So here is what I am hoping for at the end of the weekend:

1. Erin feels better by Monday. I don't care if she is ill for the next 2 days. I can handle the kid, and I can moderately tend to her needs. She is supposed to leave for work on Tuesday(Colorado maybe?) and she has been working until 10 all week long preparing for a presentation that she has to present at. It would be disappointing for her not to be able to go. It would also be disappointing to Miller and I, as we haven't had any Totino's pizzas since that last time she left.

2. Miller and I don't catch what Erin has. Cutting teeth, plus some mystery disease is not what I call a good time. Especially if Erin is out of town all next week.

That is all. Carry on.

4th at the Froyd's 09

2009-07-11T18:35:00.000-05:00

I love the Top Gun Soundtrack

Miller's 2nd Music Video

2009-07-10T19:34:00.001-05:00

A different perspective....

2009-07-01T06:45:00.005-05:00

MICHAEL JACKSON’S 10 MOST METAL MOMENTS
While big-media news outlets continue to parse Michael Jackson’s successes and scandals, we here at Revolver want to commemorate why we loved the Gloved One through the years: Dude was metal. Sure, Jackson could be pretty off-putting to headbangers—he helped popularize disco music, wore Mickey Mouse T-shirts, and fed starving kids—but let’s look past all that. Here’s Revolver’s 10-horn salute…

10. His first solo No. 1 was about a murderous, telepathic rat

Jackson’s first hit, “Ben,” was the theme song for the 1972 movie of the same name, the sequel to the horror movie Willard. In the movie, a boy befriends one of the evil rats (Ben) trained by the titular character in the original; the rat then starts controlling the boy and Ben’s rat buddies get violent. “Ben, most people would turn you away… They don’t see you as I do.” ’Nuff said.

9. Jackson hung out with Ronald Reagan

It may have been only once, but just palling around with the dude who carried out such malfeasances as quadrupling the United States’ national debt, trading weapons with Iran, and helping launch a war on drugs sounds like the basis of an S.O.D. song.

8. He caught on fire

In 1984, Jackson filmed a Pepsi commercial. At one point, he got too close to the pyrotechnics and ended up suffering second-degree burns to his scalp…in front of a stand-in audience. Only Metallica’s James Hetfield, who himself was burned in a pyro mishap onstage, could relate.

7. Jackson smashed stuff

At the end of Jackson’s “Black or White” video (viewable here), he transforms into a black panther then back into himself, after which he smashes car windows and blows up a building. When this sequence was met with controversy and protests, MJ explained that that’s what a panther would do. MTV removed the part of the clip, and since his death, has restored it to include racist epithets on the windows Jackson smashes. With no blood spilt, we challenge any metal band to replicate the video’s menace on a worldwide scale.

6. He dangled a baby over a balcony

In 2002, Jackson held his 9-month-old son over his hotel balcony in Berlin, Germany, holding a towel over the child’s head. Hell, we can’t defend that one, but check out the video.

5. He hired guitarists Eddie Van Halen, Steve Stevens, and Slash

Jackson’s metal pedigree included his music. “Beat It” is inarguably one of the biggest metal songs of the ’80s (maybe not in the vocals, but definitely in the guitar riff), and it featured a guest solo by Eddie Van Halen. Jackson would go on to record two other metal-tinged hits, including one with Billy Idol and Vince Neil guitarist Steve Stevens (“Dirty Diana,” which went to No. 1) and one with Slash (the highly underrated “Give Into Me,” below). Plus, Jackson was kind enough to share his wind machine in videos with the latter two.

4. Jackson owned a monkey

Remember when the oddest thing about Michael was when he bought a monkey named Bubbles? Then he taught it to moonwalk? Well, it turns out the monkey was even more awesome, as it reportedly threw feces at children, too, not unlike G.G. Allin. Even more metal: Bubbles has officially outlived his master. You can fund the primate’s care here.

3. Jackson had three pod babies

According to recent reports, Jackson supposedly is not the father of his three children, named Michael Joseph Jr. (age 12), Paris Michael Katherine (11), and Prince “Blanket” Michael II (7). They were “conceived in vitro—outside the womb,” if you believe TMZ. Not even the Elephant Man’s skeleton, which Jackson once attempted to buy (according to legend), is as metal an image as that.

2. He became Skeletor

Surgery, schmurgery—Skeletor kicks ass.

1. He died

At age 50, Michael Jackson is dead. Nothing is more metal than death. Horns up!

Kory Grow

A couple of Miller Videos

2009-06-23T21:31:00.001-05:00

Funny

2009-06-19T06:32:00.004-05:00

Let them eat Cake

2009-06-07T10:36:00.001-05:00

One Year down....17 to go.

2009-06-04T06:50:00.002-05:00

In a little less than an hour from right now(7:51) Miller will turn 1 year old. Which means I have officially been a parent for 1 year, and it does seem a little weird. People ask me if it has gone fast, and it really hasn't seemed to. It has gone normal speed. There are definitely parts that I am glad we are done with, or almost done with(the first 3 months, first cold, teething) but all in all, it hasn't been too bad. I think before the kid, the part that I was dreading the most was changing diapers, but that hasn't been that bad at all. Granted, that kid can create some stink, but nothing worse than I create on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I will be glad when he is potty trained.

Erin asked the other day if I was sad that he wasn't a tiny baby anymore. I said nope. Him being a tiny baby, the first 4 months, was actually my least favorite time. From about 6 months on things got progressively better, and the last month has easily been my favorite month of all. He is more mobile, he has a personality(translated-He is a little shit), he is talking more, and just in general acting more like a human than some sort of alien life form.

As far as the being a parent, I will count this first year as a good learning experience. When he was born I did some hard thinking as to what I expected out of myself in my first year of fatherhood. Since I had never been a parent, I didn't know what I was capable of, but I eventually nailed my responsibilities down to 3 things:

1. Keep the kid alive.
2. Coax a smile out him every now and then.
3. Avoid throwing spouse/Getting thrown by spouse, off of a bridge.

Not a long drawn out list, but one that I thought was manageable. The kid is still kicking, he seems like a genuinely happy baby, and both the wife and I have avoided going near any bridges in each others company. So I guess I will call it a success.

Happy Birthday Miller, and Good Job Mom.(Now that we are pros we might as well start on number 2!)

Millers First Music Video

2009-05-25T10:47:00.007-05:00

***Edit*** I didn't realize that the video quality was so shitty. I will try reposting to youtube tonight.

No editing, this is just the way the 5 videos came together. Works pretty good with the music...

Miller and Annie 'Playing'

2009-05-24T09:02:00.001-05:00

Click the HQ button on teh youtube window to watch in HighDef

MotherF%$king Computers and Erins glowing balls

2009-05-05T20:04:00.004-05:00

Happy cinco de mayo, or whatever. I have just spent the last 1.5 hours in an epic battle against the damned computer and Erin's glowing balls. First off, the MotherF$*king computer. This bastard hasn't been working right for the last damned week. I think Miller has been looking at dirty girl pictures on his free time and caught it a virus. It has been slow and non-cooperative. Erin tried a simple task like hooking up the camera for pictures for her blog, and the computer gave her the middle finger. I tried the same damned thing(around electronics, I tend to have an aura of power), but it didn't work for me either. So started an hour oddessy of webpages, downloads, and beer can crunchingness on the foreheadedness, that was very frustrating. So I finally shut the fucker off, and lo and behold, miracles upon miracles, the camera connected to the computer and proceeded to download images to the correct folder and blah de fucking blah. It had something to do with other USB devices being plugged into the computer, and some other wizardry. (Sean, now would be a good time not to tell me what I did wrong, go back to Fallout). 2. Erin's glowing Balls. Below is a video:

Anyhow, one of these glowing balls decided that it wasn't going to work. So after a half hour of fuckery with wires, screwdrivers and more beer can crunchingness to the foreheadedness, I threw it down in frustration...Lo and Behold, Miracles upon Miracles, the Light lit, and Erin's Glowing Ball began to glow. Hallelujah, a prefect end to a complete waste of an evening.

The evening wasn't a complete waste, Jess and Jerry had a Cinco celebration at their house that was good. What was a waste was every second after I got home.

Here is a picture of Miller as well as a picture of a tall man on a small bike:

Since I got tagged by Jess...

2009-05-02T09:12:00.002-05:00

8 Things I'm Looking Forward to:
1. Miller to be done with teething
2. Trip to Minnesota
3. Miller learning to walk
4. Laptop project at work to be over with
5. Not having to come back into work tomorrow
6. Shots of Tequila on Cinco de Mayo
7. Lunch
8. Tomorrow.....cuz I get better looking every day

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Gave my son whiskey
2. Cut myself 5 times at work
3. Ate Pizza for lunch
4. Cooked supper
5. Enjoyed a Stogie
6. Drank alcoholic libations
7. Played guitar
8. Watched 'Let the Right One In'.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do/Want to Do:
1. Play guitar better
2. Knock a pheasant out of sky air with a 12 gauge
3. Buy a bigger house
4. Hire a beer wench
5. Make Miller feel better when he is sick
6. Fly like Superman
7. Have more money than I know what to do with
8. Have a whole week where I have absolutely no responsibilities

8 Shows I Watch:
1. The Office
2. Deadliest Catch
3. Lost
4. Headbangers Ball
5. How I Met Your Mother
6.
7.
8.

Miller's First Nightcap

2009-05-01T07:20:00.002-05:00

actually it was more of a 3a.m. cap, but whatever time it was it worked. Jim Beam works on babies gums. He woke up pissed off at 3, and I had tried just about everything...The boy didn't want to be held, didn't want to be put down, didn't want the lights on, didn't want the lights off, didn't want any liquid, just wanted to be a miserable cuss. He had a slight fever, so we gave him some tylenol, he was coughing like a 20 year smoker, so we gave him some cough medicine, still not happy. Finally I had enough, my Mom had been hinting at rubbing whiskey on his gums for the last couple of weeks, so we decided to give it a shot. Dipped my finger in the shot glass of Jim Beam and rubbed it on his bottom gums. Finger was a little wetter than necessary, so he probably go a few more drops on the first round than he needed, but he didn't make any faces.(earlier in the night we tried to give him some 7-up, and the face he made after that, made me think that I accidently bought the cat-shit flavored 7-up). After another couple swipes of the gums, we were done. We went and sat on the porch and rocked while staring at Erin's glowing balls, and about 5 minutes later he was out. I could just be the whiskey, or it could have been the cocktail of cough medicine, tylenol, and whiskey, but whatever it was it worked. Hopefully tonight goes better, because I don't want all you perverts waiting outside my porch at 3 in the morning hoping to catch a glimpse of me in my tighty-whiteys.

A cog in the machinery of Justice

2009-04-21T20:16:00.003-05:00

I had Jury Duty today.......and now I have it tomorrow as well.

First off I don't necessarily mind Jury Duty. As long as being there doesn't screw up my work schedule, or home schedule, it is pretty relaxing. Today I knew I didn't have anything going on at work to miss, so I brought my book, crossed my fingers that it would be an early day and sat my ass down, and sat, and sat and sat. My number was called at 10, but then they said our group wasn't needed yet. Rather than send us home, we had to wait to get into another group. Which was at 3. By the time the attorneys and the judge got done fiddlefucking around 1) I was lucky Juror number 3 of 6, 2)It was 5:30. The 5:30 part is a bit of a bitch, because that means I have to come back tomorrow, which may screw up my work schedule, we'll have to see. Either way, I shall be laying down the law with my Iron Fist of Judgement sometime tomorrow.

Spoke too soon

2009-04-17T19:30:00.002-05:00

Well, if you read my post below, my week had been going swimmingly. This afternoon I got a big fat Godsmack. DC called and M-Dog had a temp of 101 at 3:00. So I had to go pick him up. At this point, pretty much all hope of going to the cigar event was doused(this was after I typed and printed up his user's manual for the evening as well). I went down to pick him up and he was red as a beet, and hotter than a 2 peckered billy goat. Of course they recommended I bring him to the Pediatrician right away. DC tends to overreact at times, one teacher in particular, so I was wary. I looked him over and could tell he wasn't deathly ill(cuz I am practically a Dr.).

1. He had just woke up from a nap, which would explain part of his overly red complexion. He has been sleeping face-down ass-up for some time now, which gives him a sheet-wrinkled red face.

2. 3 o'clock is feeding time. They were shorthanded in the afternoon, and if that boy doesn't get his food when he demands it, he gets pissed off.

3. He had his hepatitis shot on Wednesday, which the Dr. has always said may cause fever and overall bitchiness.

These 3 factors led me to believe that while he had a temperature, he probably wasn't knocking on Death's door. I called the Pediatrician and a sultry sounding nurse told me I was correct. I had already given him Tylenol for the fever, and she said to monitor the temp to make sure it didn't continue going up, give him some fluids, and cool him down. We got home, the Tylenol started working, and he calmed down. Which would have been fine but......

I already had 2 fine looking babysitter lined up for the evening. I was faced with a moral dilemma-

Leave sickly child with babysitters, while I enjoy stogies with my friends and the owner of one of my favorite cigar manufacturers, possibly winning a trip to Nicaragua...and having to deal with possibly torpedoing my marriage by not taking care of my only son...

Or stay home with said child and cure him with my awesomeness.

I chose the later. The babysitters would have been more than capable of taking care of Miller, but it would not have been enjoyable for them. Once they both have gone through taking care of sick toddlers and maintaining their sanity, then I will leave him with them, but as it was, it wasn't fair to them.

Needless to say, he is snoozing fine now, and his mother should be home shortly. Then he is her problem.

A good week.

2009-04-17T07:54:00.002-05:00

Even though the wifey has been gone since Tuesday morning, it was still a good week. Guitar Lessons went well, and have provided the proper motivation to pick up the guitar again. This guy is a bit more professional that the last guy, the lessons are far more convenient, and they are half the price. So, so far, so good. Miller was well behaved all week, and we got to eat things that mother does not like: Totinos Pizza, and hot Meatloaf sandwiches. The boy loves his meatloaf. Mom is going to have to start making it now that she is outnumbered by meatloaf lovers in the house. We got our bonus's at work, which will go right towards paying my tax, tag, and title on the Big Red Truck. Not fun money to spend, but it will be nice to get that off my mind. The MSO(Manufacturers Statement of Orgin) should be arriving today at 10:30, so I can register the vehicle at lunch. Which is good, because my tempororary plate expire tonight at Midnight. I have a big cigar event to go to tonight, which I wouldn't have been able to go to unless I had some lovely babysitters for Miller.

Yeah, a good week. Everything fell right into place

Something to keep in mind

2009-04-15T21:49:00.002-05:00

Totino's Pizza is not nearly as filling when your chubby child devours 2 of the nine pieces that you cut.

In other news Fatty Fatterson had his 10 month checkup today at the pediatrician's. Here are his stats:

Height-32". Off the charts
Weight-24 lbs 3 oz- 90th percentile

Everything is going good on the Miller front. He has another pair of teeth coming in on the top row, but ever since that lone tooth came in(I call it Bucky #1) all the other toothes-es have been coming in smoothly. He is pulling himself up, and kind of shuffling around once up. I am assuming he will be walking in the next month, but I could be wrong. He has a big adventure coming up this Friday, he will be entertaining 3 women all at the same time. 2 of the women are slightly older than him, while the other is just a touch younger. He shaved this evening in preparation, and picked out some nice cologne at Target. He is ready, ladies.

Good-bye Silver Bullet

2009-04-14T19:10:00.002-05:00

You have served me well....

The dude that bought it off Ebay came and picked it up today. I got what I needed for it, but I would have liked to get a little more. Oh well, at least it is gone. Now if I can just license the Big Red Truck, all my headaches with vehicle purchases will be complete.

In other news, I have a busy week. Erin is is Colorado until Friday night, so Miller and I have the whole house to ourselves. We were going to stop and get a buttload of Totinos pizzas tonight for supper, but we helped a friend at work move instead. I also have guitar lessons starting tomorrow, radio control airplanes to work on, Deadliest Catch to watch, Lego's to build, Cigar events to go to, and....well I think that is about it. I shall be busy. Enough of this nonsense, I now set forth to exciting ventures!!

Separation Anxiety

2009-04-07T09:09:00.003-05:00

Miller's got it. As you all well know, I am a pretty awesome guy to be around. Handsome, witty, educated, humble, pretty much the total package. Well, Miller has finally realized just how cool his dad is, and now at night he can't bear to let me out of his sight. Last night, between the boy and the dog, I was about ready to lock them both in the garage. It has been coming on for the last few days but last night was pretty bad. The little grommet couldn't just sit and play. He had to be held. Well it is impossible to cook while holding a baby at the same time, and if I don't cook, then I will have a hungry/crabby wife until she is fed. Since she is larger than Miller, and has a greater capacity for crabbiness, cooking won out over holding fussypants. So I would place him on the floor, a good distance away from me, next to his toys, turn my back to do something, and next thing I know, there he is. Grabbing my leg, tugging on my pants, fussing, putting his head between my ankles and headbutting the cabinets. It was quite infuriating.

The high point of the evening was cottage cheese. That boy loves his cottage cheese. Mix in some applesauce and you have pure baby bliss.

After the wife got home, that is when the separation anxiety really presents himself. He doesn't want to be held by Mom, only Dad. He is fine once he settles down, but he is a bit of a drama queen until then. I hope this passes soon, because being so damned popular is a lot of work.

Iron Maiden Tonight!!

2009-04-02T06:50:00.006-05:00

Pretty excited. Just have to get through today and I will be ready to Rockzorz. 4 of us are going to the show: Me, my rock wench, Nilsen, and my rock wench's former boss(who wrangled a work trip just to fly down for the Iron Maiden show, he lives in Chicago). As a thank you for getting him tickets, my rock wench's former boss brought down a 30 pack of Michelob Golden Draft Light. And that is delightful. The beers are on ice, supper is in the crock pot, Juan Cinco is mentally and physically prepared to babysit(not only Miller, but Rylee as well), and I am ready to 'Run to the Hills'!

On an unrelated note, I have been battling a Sinus Infucktion for about a month in a half. Sometimes its there, sometimes its not. If it is not better by next week I will have to go to the Doctor. After that I will need sympathy from every lady that is reading this...that means you too, Button.

Fatheads Haircut

2009-03-24T16:15:00.009-05:00

Not bad, I am no Meagan Noordmans though. Next cut will be better now that I have the right tools for the job, beard trimmers do not work on thin wispy hair, nor are they the same length as regular hair trimmers. Oh well.....

These last two are Miller's impersonation of Stacy Abel working at Target...

Busy Weekend

2009-03-23T07:01:00.003-05:00

1. Got the windows tinted on the new truck. Might have to go back though, there are a couple of bothersome bubbles.

2. Got the old truck detailed, took pictures, and put it on eBay. I really hope I get a little more interest in it.

3. Gave the boy a haircut. Where is the flo-bee when I need one?

4. Hung up a swing for the boy under the tree outside. Unfortunately it will not support adult weight.

5. Let the wife beat me at rummy last night in order to make her feel good about herself.

That's it for the weekend. The new tub should be installed today, which will be nice. Keep your fingers crossed.

It is the 2nd day of my Birthday week today. I will be accepting all forms of presents all week long. Remember, the more expensive, the better.

New Car High

2009-03-17T09:41:00.003-05:00

I couldn't be more happy with the whole deal. Compared to when I bought my Dakota, I feel a million times better. That whole deal was a complete clusterf&*k whereas this one was smooth as silk.

The Dakota needed to be replaced because it wasn't big enough for Millers new car seat. While we could have survived a little longer with a one car seat car, it was becoming a huge pain in the ass and was very limiting. We decided it was time. I wanted a truck, because they are use full, and quite honestly, that is what I wanted, so there.

I priced things out for about a week, Toyota's, Dodges, Fords, Chevy's, and there wasn't many 2009 vehicles that were falling into my comfortable price range. I don't mind making payments on something, but I want to live comfortably while making those payments, and not feel strapped. Being married to one thing at a time is more than enough.

Ford was giving great rebates on 2008 Supercrew F-150's(to the tune of 12k off sticker) so I decided to pursue them. Problem was, that with rebates like that, and it being a 2008 model, there wasn't very many around. In the state of Florida I found 5, and I didn't really like any of them. If I am going to spend a lot of money, and only spend it once every 7-8 years, then I want something that I am going to be happy with. My little Brother, who just so happens to be an Internet Sales Manager for a Ford Dealer in North Hollywood, was also on the search for me. He found 1 in California that was exactly what I was looking for. He had to engineer a 3 car, 3 dealership trade to get it on his lot, but he was able to pull through. He FedExed the paperwork, I FedExed the checks, and in about 10 days it was dropped off at my front door. I didn't have to worry about getting ripped off because 1, he is my brother, 2, the employee discount plan cannot be fiddled with, and 3, I wasn't trading in my truck and getting ripped off on the trade.

Now, I just have to find someone to buy my old truck, and I will be completely done with the process. So if you know anybody lookin for a truck..........

Here IT is.

2009-03-16T20:46:00.002-05:00

More details to follow tomorrow:

Miller was so excited his hair stood straight up!

Big Night

2009-03-16T13:10:00.001-05:00

IT arrives tonight. You will find out what IT is tomorrow.

Tax Time

2009-03-01T12:14:00.002-05:00

When it comes to taxes it is nice to own a wife, own a child, and own a house.

1st Concert of the Year....

2009-02-13T08:03:00.002-05:00

Unfortunately not until April. Pretty soon I am going to run out of bands I want to see.

Video Friday

2009-02-06T08:18:00.001-05:00

Sick but not hungry

2009-02-03T18:53:00.002-05:00

Taking care of a sick baby is not much fun. 2-3 hours of the day were good, everything else was full of fussiness, crying, and indecision. He is mostly over his fever, and the eye has cleared up, I think most of the remaining nastiness is due to teeth again. Good luck Day Care Ladies, you have your hands full tomorrow.

Typical

2009-02-02T19:13:00.002-05:00

No more than 5 hours after Erin leaves town for a week do I get a call from DayCare saying Miller has a fevah of 101 and I need to come pick him up. So I head down there, and sure enough, he's red as a tomato and looking pissed off. I had to take him to the Dr. over in Weston, because the practice in Plantation was booked up. Weston office was slow as hell, so I had to hold that little heat-bag for about half an hour on my lap. We were both sweating by the time that was over. He blessed me with a dirty shit once we got into the office to top it all off. Doc says he has got Conjunctivitis, which is either an STD or Pink Eye. So its eye drops and Tylenol for a few days. I can't take him back to DC until after he has been on the drops for 24 hours, so it looks like I get the day off. Luckily, even though M-dog is sick as a dog, he is still a good boy. No fits yet, but he is extraordinarily whiney(one of Erin's traits), and is fresh out of smiles. Also unfortunately, I have an assload of work to do which will have to be put off a day, unless I can get one of my minions at work to help me out. I am slightly curious as how he got this Pink Eye, I have seen the riff-raff he hangs out with at DC and I wonder if this is how it came about:

Watch more Knocked Up videos on AOL Video

Interview Questions

2009-01-31T21:43:00.002-05:00

Dammit Jess. Your questions are very well thought out. Here goes....

1. If you could play one song on the guitar perfectly, which one would you pick and why?

Sweet Child O' Mine-Guns n'Roses. This song marked a serious turning point in my life in regards to music. In 6th grade I saw the video at one of my friends houses that actually had cable, which meant he had MTV. After watching the video, all I knew is that I would be the coolest person in the world if I wore a tophat and played guitar like Slash. That weekend I actually made a guitar out of a 2x2, some particle board, some chipboard, and some fishing line. I pretty much played along to my dubbed cassette copy of Appetite all summer long.

2. If you could ensure that your child inherits one of your personality traits, what would you want him to posess and why?

I would hope that he inherits my sense of humor, my patience(with most things), and my willpower. I would hope that he does not inherit my ability to hold a grudge.

3. If you were going to turn to crime to support yourself from now on, what kind of criminal would you become and why?

Hmmm. Just myself? or my Family? If it was just myself, probably small time narcotics. It seems fairly harmless, and once you establish yourself as a dealer you can drive shitty cars with fancy rims. If I need to support my family though, I would probably turn to illegal alien smuggling. I already have 'suck my wake' and I figure I could fit at least 5 small Cuban children in the boat and ferry them to God's Country for a small fee.

4. What is your best memory of growing up in MN?

Tough one. I don't have many bad memories of growning up in Minnesota. I could have gone without the blueberry picking excursions, the mosquitos, and sitting in the cellar waiting for a possible tornado to pass by, but all in all it didn't kill me. A Minnesota memory that always pops into my mind is one from college. My roommate, Keith Sweat, was gonna give me a ride to school one morning, and it was sooooo f^%king cold that he had flat spots on his tires and they thumped the 5 miles to school.

5. If you could eliminate one habit you have, what would you stop doing?

Being so sexy.

To play along:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.